The novel coronavirus pandemic has led local, state and federal governments to implement social distancing measures, including prohibiting gatherings, closing businesses and encouraging people to stay six feet apart if they must leave their homes. According to Salkin, many people are now wondering how to find and maintain relationships without in-person contact. Get Jewish Exponent’s Newsletter by email and never miss our top stories We do not share data with third party vendors. Free Sign Up. Talia Goldstein, founder and president of the Los Angeles-based matchmaking company Three Day Rule , believes social distancing will make people reconsider the qualities they are looking for in a partner. Now is the time to slow down and really get to know people. Salkin has transitioned many of her clients in Philadelphia and New York City to video dating since the cities began enforcing social distancing.
The Matchmaker (Shadkhan)
We think of the many things we do in our lives and the remarkable pressure we feel to perform. We come up to bat in the bottom of the last inning, two outs and runners in scoring position; we sit in classrooms with our palm sweating, waiting to take an exam; we argue in courtrooms and make investment decisions; we move our families from one community to another… the list goes on and on. There is so much we have to do, and so much we have to get right.
Imagine then the incredible pressure Eliezer felt when he was sent out by Abraham to find a wife for his beloved son, Isaac!
“It’s almost like the [matchmakers] are desperate to get the women married because there are so many of them. We don’t sense they tell the.
This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Broadway production of “Fiddler on the Roof. Four Broadway revivals and one successful film adaptation later, the story of Tevye and his daughters remains alive in popular culture. Based on the book by Yiddish master storyteller Sholem Aleichem, Tevye attempts to preserve his family and Jewish traditions while outside influences threaten to derail all he knows.
Much of the preservation begins with marriage, and a matchmaker is one of the most important and powerful members of the community. Still today, the matchmaker holds a special role. I have those same plans for my clients, so we want to get things in line and keep everybody’s lives stable and smooth. Any part of the world where people want and believe in their people and want to see them live on, the only way to do that is by being matched up and continuing to bring more people into the world and to continue on with your beliefs.
And a matchmaker doesn’t have to be somebody professional. It can be a friend or a relative or a neighbor. It’ll save you thousands of dollars in a divorce. Shabbat is the Jewish Sabbath. Right now, there is an awesome organization called Shabbat. When you’re talking about a dating website, SawYouAtSinai is for more religious Jews, and they don’t search for themselves. Matchmakers only search for them.
Jewish Dating in the Time of COVID-19
If the impromptu couple ended up getting married, Steinhardt said, he would pay for their honeymoon. But Beroff and the woman had the conversation, and split the money. Beroff regrets it now. The woman involved did not respond to a Jewish Telegraphic Agency inquiry. And I wish I had said that offering to pay people like that is inappropriate.
Matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin with her husband, Leon. (Courtesy of Lori Salkin). Philadelphia-based SawYouAtSinai matchmaker.
Matchmaking is an ancient tradition, central to Jewish culture. In Hebrew it is referred to as Shidduch and is considered a mitzvah commandment. Traditionally, any member of the community could and often would try his hand at matchmaking, thus becoming a matchmaker or shadchan. Often, when the amateur matchmakers mothers, family members, friends, etc … failed to succeed , a professional shadchan would be hired. At a time when contacts between young Jewish boys and girls were restricted if not forbidden, this community involvement ensured that every Jewish single of marriageable age would find a mate so the community would survive and eventually grow.
However in Ultra-Orthodox and Orthodox Jewish communities, where contact with the opposite sex is still limited outside the family circle, matchmaking remains a vibrant activity and, as in the past, the entire family and professional matchmakers can be involved in the process. In these closely-knit communities, matchmaking often starts with a personal recommendation. Those considered for marriage are carefully scrutinized. Many inquiries are made about the potential mate.
The matchmaker has to find out information about character, intelligence, education, future plans for work and family, wealth, level of religious observance, expectations, etc. A complete picture of the person must be formed before the matchmaker can consider introducing potential partners. Once a person is selected, the next step can begin. The young or not so young man and woman meet several times, usually in public places, and try to determine whether or not they are indeed compatible.
They are encouraged to talk about subjects like the way they envision married life and parenting duties, life dreams, values, etc.
A Jewish Matchmaker Whose Hand Led Hundreds Down the Aisle
Such service was virtually indispensible during the Middle Ages when custom frowned on courtships and numerous Jewish families lived in semi-isolation in small communities. Shadkhanim were thus relied upon to gather and evaluate information on the personal qualities and background of potential spouses in order to ensure a felicitous and holy union. Their recompense, fixed by custom, was often a percentage of the dowry.
In some of the larger Jewish communities of eastern Europe, the reputation of shadkhanim was marred by the appearance of less than sincere matchmakers who were more interested in turning a financial profit than in honest representation. This type of shadkhan became the subject of countless Jewish jokes.
The breakup had been painful, but Rivka was looking to get back on the dating circuit. But a matchmaker, of sorts, beckoned. And its merging of old-school and new-school technologies occupies a potent middle ground in a fast-changing Orthodox dating environment. On the new-school side of the equation stands Alan Avitan, a year-old businessman with a close-cropped beard and a ready smile who lives on the Upper West Side.
On the more traditional side stands Tova Weinberg. The year-old, Pittsburgh-based shadchan has been a matchmaker for Jews of all stripes for most of her adult life and was involved in the founding of SawYouAtSinai.
The Formula For Matchmaking
To improve your visit to our site, take a minute and upgrade your browser. These women, professional shadchanim , or matchmakers, ask the men and women about their family connections and education, who they know, where they pray. The shadchanim dismiss their unmarried charges after the interviews, then huddle together in a dark room lined with ancient religious texts.
Speaking in a mixture of English, Yiddish, and Hebrew, they rifle through their notes, searching for matches. They are helping the men and women—especially the women—fulfill the primary social responsibility of their community: to get married. There are no dating websites, apps, or events.
Their connection felt genuine and she was eager to cut out the middleman. Her future husband was less certain and suggested they wait. For instance, a shadchen acting as an intermediary at the beginning of a relationship served Lily in her early 20s, but was less effective as she matured. Lily attributes this disconnect to the reality that shidduch dating was originally intended for people in their late teens and early 20s. He says that, thanks to his work, 58 couples have gotten engaged.
He generally sets up young, secular Jews, because he feels that non-Orthodox Jews have limited dating resources. He also writes a monthly advice column in The CJN. Finding your soulmate is reuniting those two lost halves, whose destinies have been entwined from the start.
Inside the World of ultra-Orthodox Dating
In modern society, the dealmaker is one of the most admired economic actors. This article focuses on the Biblical account of how Eliezer, servant of Abraham, made the matrimonial match between Rebecca and Isaac, described in Genesis — Firstly this article considers the propriety of the test Eliezer devised in light of the Torah’s ethical principles. It also examines the various discrepancies between Abraham’s charge to Eliezer and what happened at the well, on the one hand, and Eliezer’s account of them, on the other.
The second concern is whether the stratagems Eliezer employed as a matchmaker conforms to the success formulae recommended by modern theorists in the field of negotiations. The article analyses the ethical considerations related to Eleizer’s matchmaking adventures, role of Agency as essayed by the former.
The institution of marriage in East European Jewish society remained largely Matchmaking was facilitated by a shadkhn (marriage broker), who maintained a.
In Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons, and the singles themselves, involved make inquiries about the prospective partner, e. A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah , or commandment.
Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. Usually a professional matchmaker is called a shadchan , but anyone who makes a shidduch is considered the shadchan for it. After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another.